According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize