That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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