I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
