Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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