and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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