be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
