She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
