the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
