Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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