I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
