I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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