White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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