My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she told me i tasted like america
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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