I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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