he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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