Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
