Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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