u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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