the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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