Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
