you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
