And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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