I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
