You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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