You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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