he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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