hotel room ftw
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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