I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize