i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
