My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
