well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
