i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
