I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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