i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The struggles of a small town man whore
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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