Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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