Say something about gay babies.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
