does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
