Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
