i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think I just sharted jello shots
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