I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
