I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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