we have officially lost it.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
bring money and cleavage
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
