none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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