the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i was born a porn star she said
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
