I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
