The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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