my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
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