I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize