i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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