five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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