I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
