never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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