My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
