There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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