I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
