allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
