john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
