Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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