Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
