you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize