my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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