doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
