just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize