i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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