checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize