Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
