Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
