to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
