your room smells of hookers.
And success
I understand Curling. That high.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
