dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
