Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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