oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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