babies were throwing up all over the place
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
