dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My balls are so social today.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
