Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
