Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
