i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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