Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize