Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
