i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
