I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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