You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
