Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
