Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize