Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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