I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
