If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize