I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
