I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
