He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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