So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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