and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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