If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
