the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
