It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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