had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
