how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
