morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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