Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
