I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
