The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
so much tequila, so little girl.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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