She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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