i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
