I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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