Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
