She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
