everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
That accounts for only three of the penises
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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