she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize