He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you mean i was at the winter classic?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
