seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
