did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
