He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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