just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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