This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
