Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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