he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I cockslap morals
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
